


Confessional

by wefellasangels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s08e23 Sacrifice, Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 12:38:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3729220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wefellasangels/pseuds/wefellasangels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's missing confessional scene during the season 8 finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confessional

“You ever, uh -- you ever done the ‘forgive me, father’ before?”

“Well, once, when we were kids. Which is why I have no clue what to say now.”

…

Sam walks inside the confessional, closing the door behind him, and kneels.

“Okay, um – “ he clears his throat “– if anybody’s listening, here goes.”

Sam chuckles a little to himself thinking back to what Dean had said earlier.

“I guess I should start by apologizing for what my brother did to Penny in sixth grade,” he smiles slightly, but the grin fades quickly. He sighs. “But that’s not why I’m here.” 

Sam closes his eyes, inhales deeply, and begins. “I, uh…I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve made…a _lot_ of bad choices, thinking I was doing the right thing – or at least that’s what I told myself...”

_“Slippery slope, brother. Just wait and see. Because it's gonna get darker and darker, and God knows where it ends.”_

_“I'm not gonna let it go too far.”_

_Dean smiles humorlessly at Sam and turns his back on him. He walks over to the wall and hits a lamp resting on a side table. A second later, it crashes. Dean turns back to face his brother._

_“It's already gone too far, Sam. If I didn't you know... I would wanna hunt you.”_

Sam winces at the memory. “Drinking demon blood…I thought I did it to stop Lilith – and that’s what I wanted – but…I guess I liked the power too; the control. And trusting Ruby,” Sam shakes his head. “Dean was right.”

_“You're damn right you didn't listen. You were reckless and selfish and arrogant,” Bobby chides spitefully._

_“I'm sorry.”_

_“Oh, yeah? You're sorry you started Armageddon? This kind of thing don't get forgiven, boy. If, by some miracle, we pull this off...I want you to lose my number. You understand me?”_

Sam’s lips begin to quiver and he sniffs. “Dean was right….it went too far and _I_ broke the final seal. I started the apocalypse.”

Sam runs his hands over his face and through his hair. He shuts his eyes tighter and pinches the bridge of his nose. After about half a minute, he blinks his quickly and clears his throat, trying to overcome the guilt weighing down his words. Sam nods, pushing himself to continue.

_“So, are you gonna untie me?” Sam asks._

_“No,” Dean replies stiffly._

_“Listen, I'm not gonna –“_

_“Sam, how the hell am I even supposed to let you out of this room?”_

“Being soulless, I – well that wasn’t something I did to myself – but the things I did… The people I hurt; the innocent people I killed…trying to kill Bobby. I didn’t care about anything or anyone. I lied to Dean and almost got him killed” Sam shakes his head, self-deprecating. “And all for what? Getting the ‘job’ done? No matter what anyone says, I should have known better….should’ve done better….”

_“Did you look for me, Sam?”_

_Sam looks away and doesn’t reply._

_“Good. That's good. Now, we – we... always told each other not to look for each other. That's smart. Good for you. Of course, we always ignored that because of our deep, abiding love for each another, but not this time, right, Sammy?”_

Sam can feel his eyes begin to burn and he blinks quickly again. His words are no longer spoken, but chocked out. “Not looking for Dean when he disappeared…I, uh…I don’t have an explanation for that. I, um… _god_.” Sam hangs his head and stops for a moment. Resting his hands on his thighs for support, he takes a few deep breaths – then continues.

“I have no excuse for that. Just selfish, I guess... _but I should have looked for him_. He’s my brother and I…I just didn’t do my job. I let him down.”

Sam senses his confession drawing to a close. He interlocks his fingers and rests them in his lap. He looks up, tilting his head back slightly, and closes his eyes.

_”Mistakes? Well, let's go through some of Sammy's greatest hits. Drinking demon blood, check. Being in cahoots with Ruby. Not telling me that you lost your soul. Or how about running around with Samuel for a whole year, letting me think that you were dead while you're doing all kinds of crazy. Those aren't mistakes, Sam. Those are choices!”_

_“All right. You said it. We've both played a little fast and loose.”_

_“Yeah, I might have lied, but I never once betrayed you. I never once left you to die.”_

There is no restraint left. Sam cries freely now, tears racing down his cheeks and over his lips.

“I’m sorry…for everything I’ve done – for everything I became. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough. I’m sorry I wasn’t selfless enough. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the person people needed me to be….Dean, I’m sorry for letting you down _every_ time – and not being able to do better...that is my greatest sin and I don’t think I can ever-”

Sam brings his head back down and sniffs, shaking his head disgracefully. “If anyone’s listening, I, uh….hope by some miracle you can find a way to…to forgive me. God knows I don’t deserve it, but…I need to know that there is at least one person – or being – out there that, um, might still have a little faith in me. Amen.”

 

 

 


End file.
